All is Fair in Love and Politics

When Donald Trump was indicted on March 30, 2023, I learned about it through Twitter. The diversity in reactions to the news was incredible. There were legal experts analyzing the text of the indictments and journalists reporting live from the Manhattan courthouse. Some people were celebrating, while others were lamenting the current state of the political landscape. One person posted a local restaurant’s advertisement for drink specials: “When it arraigns, we pour $5 drafts!”

D.C. has always been a politically disjointed city by nature, but the past five years have been among the most contentious. “Fewer people are hooking up across party lines,” noted Washingtonian Magazine. Someone on the r/WashingtonDC subreddit wrote, “How conservative is Navy Yard?” And nationwide research indicates that the American public has become increasingly politically polarized, to the point of fracturing homes and ruining family holidays. Now, more than ever, ideological polarization can be palpably felt during everyday interactions.

What does this climate mean for the person who values authenticity in relationships? I want people to be their real self around me. As a result, I believe I am required to be comfortable with reconciling idealogical differences. I embrace differences and, even more, I enjoy being challenged, especially by people I respect and admire… and I only want to spend time with people who I respect and admire. That is something many people say they want, but few create environments where authenticity is genuinely welcomed and applauded, opening the door for lasting relationships with individuals who hold different worldviews. 

Online, I have adopted a habit of downplaying my opinionated nature to protect my sanity as my following continues to grow. So much nuance is lost in text communication. It’s hard to convey empathy or open-mindedness for the opposing viewpoint when you are communicating your own convictions. But, in person, I’ve never felt more stimulated or appreciated by the conversations that come up over dinner or a few days together. 

I am often sought out by people whose time and attention have become valuable commodities. Beyond physical attraction, there is a desire for genuine connections that stimulate, exhilarate, and energize. Usually, when someone chooses me to spend time with, it’s because we share some of the same basic values in life: humility, a strong sense of self, and integrity, among many other things. With shared values, we can approach each other with mutual respect regardless of our differences in upbringing, religion, age, or any other aspect of identity that influences our personal perspective.

With the people I spend my time with, I find a lot of our conversations are rarely held in the form of debate. They’re often initiated as a result of curiosity or launched by side commentary on an observation about our environment. Neither of us is seeking to change each other’s views, but to understand one another more deeply.

I do not shy away from having political conversations because I think that each person’s personal politics are a manifestation of their upbringing and experiences, as well as other deeply personal values. We build our sense of self by taking continuous inventory of our past, our successes, and our failures – and those of people around us. Our politics extend from that process, as we reflect on what has influenced our circumstances to date. 

Recently, I was having a conversation with someone in which we discussed if and how physical infrastructure can be racist. Can something like a bridge exacerbate inequality? (My opinion is that, obviously, it can.) The conversation reached its natural conclusion as we departed the hotel room for dinner. But in the elevator ride downstairs, I started to feel self conscious. 

“I’m sorry if I was a little too forward in my disagreeing with you,” I said, with a pouty face.

He studied me and then leaned in for a kiss on the forehead while grabbing my hand. 

As the elevator doors opened, he said, “I actually love that you don’t agree with me. It’s very sexy.”